As I enter 2014, I have many ambitions to succeed and move forward in my career. I moved to LA with one goal in mind: to work. I am one of those people who is very driven, hard working and independent. Actually you could say I am a complete workaholic. I’m always wanting to do more and more. This kind of approach definitely stemmed from my childhood. I saw great examples of how exactly I did not want my life to be, and glimpses of what I dreamed of. One thing I always knew is that I would have to do it on my own. I thought I’d always be the one, helping myself.
Now that I have graduated College, moved away and begun a life of my own, I’m really starting to learn a lot about myself and just people in general. It’s funny though, I thought I understood myself fully, and how my brain works; however I continue to surprise myself.
What is it that makes us behave the way that we do?
Why do so many of us have these quirks that are almost unexplainable?
Do we inherit these behaviors or are they ingrained in us early on?
I think it’s a combination of everything that influences us. That being said, I have this constant battle going on in my head. Oddly most people think i’m very ‘chill‘ and laid back, when really I’m just thinking about one hundred different things at one time. If I’m sitting somewhere quietly or ‘zoned out,’ I’m actually probably going through ten different scenarios at once of how a situation could end up going. Isn’t that interesting? The minute you think you understand someone, you really could be totally off.
You know I don’t worry as much as I used to though; I’ve definitely come to peace with a lot of things. Although I would say I’m never satisfied. Honestly the second I get comfortable with something, I already want something more. Call it crazy, but I think it’s just progression. I like challenging myself and always competing against who I was yesterday.
Some people do confuse this with a lack of self-confidence however. Yea I would say I can be critical with myself at times, and yes I did have a problem with it in the past… I’ll tell you though, I can look at myself in the mirror and think yea this is GREAT – but you can do more. I can always shoot for the stars and continue to dream a little bigger.
I do love my alone time. Although I have a tendency to live in my head. So if this happens too often, it is not a good thing for me. I’ve learned that it’s better for me to be amongst close friends. Recently I’ve had many interactions that have been very informative: discussing past times, new ideas and accustomed mannerisms are always intriguing to me. I’d much rather have someone be in love with my mind over anything else. So I’m learning to take advice and apply it in the way that I see fit, because ultimately it will be my decision. One of the hardest things in the world for me to do though…. Is asking for help.
My new favorite thing is meeting people! Luckily that is quite easily accessible out here in LA. Growing up in Utah, I felt like I knew just about everyone around me. As much as I loved that beautiful state, I needed to get out, move on and meet people who may very well have quite a different influence on me. Boy has this proven to be true, and it’s only the beginning.
So far I have come across people who I adore, people who have upset me, and even those who drive me insane. You know what though: I am very thankful for each and every one of them.
I’m grateful for my best friend who is the reason I even survived this big move, or even just this summer. He may not be in my life so much at the moment, but I know he’ll always understand me.
I don’t know what I would do without my roommates. Boy I cannot thank them enough for bringing me in and teaching me the ropes. I will always love them for that.
To my new friends at Disney: I’m sure that we will all be life long friends. Walt’s Company sure has a way of bringing some wonderful people together and I thank him for this magical place he created.
My parents, for your constant support. Thank you for always believing in me. And my brothers who are my biggest fans (or maybe I just think so because I’m just always cheering them on)!
Then there are those people who have been fake, and not so sincere. They are the ones who have me thinking there has to be a motive behind every kind act or gesture. Thank heavens they are teaching me how not to behave. Even if it does get you ahead for a times being, I will never feel okay with that. These moments only remind me to keep being me. When someone tells me I am ‘refreshing‘ because I am ‘real,’ it is the best compliment in the world. I must always remember that.
There are also so many people who have truly touched me. People I have built relationships with that are unexplainable. It’s almost like an underground community for me. Simply people I have found who just get it. They are real, honest individuals who want to see you do well, and to make it happen together and as one. I can explain more of this later but for example: improvising on Sunday nights in the NoHo Arts District. Man that sh*t is powerful! Opening up a space that is safe, accepting and has no boundaries for one to explore themselves and their art?! I mean really…. There is nothing better. This is not limited to just dancers either. This kind of exploration is for anyone who has feelings and emotions that stir up inside of them.
Okay enough of the deep stuff. This year I want to smile more. I’m always silly, but I want to be more accepting of receiving and understanding love! Man that felt good to say. Literally for two years I’ve been bitter about that whole subject. As many of us are, I was hurt pretty badly in a past relationship. It pretty much has damaged me up until now. Well FORGET that!! I always saw love and feelings as a sign of weakness. Although I no longer think of vulnerability in that way. Coming together as two people seems so amazing to me now. Just like with any group of people: if you have the right mixture, a complete understanding and you ‘vibrate on the same frequency,’ then you just might be unstoppable.
Alright so by now you might understand a little more about how my brain works… lol. Talk about tangents and random thoughts that come out of my head. Here’s the thing though – this feels good! Someone suggested that I write down my thoughts and feelings and I agree. None of this is to necessarily have my voice heard. Mainly this is just for me. Obviously this is a public post so I will be sharing with you all. If my Mom & Grandma are the only one’s who read this though, then that’s just fine 😉
I will be posting about my life here in Los Angeles: work, auditions, training, eating right, taking class, meeting people and interacting with some of the most interesting specimens on the planet. It will be a variety of just about everything. Oh even dating! Haha see it’s always an afterthought… But yes I will include it ALL.
A lot of things have changed since moving here from Salt Lake City, Utah and I am in love with every minute of it.
Until next time,