Fifteen years ago today, Kyle decided he would join the Air Force.
On 9/11/2001 he knew he would one day fight to help preserve our freedom.
I am now new to the military life. It’s hard and there are a lot of sacrifices. But when I met Kyle, I knew I was all in no matter what. There was no question. When he got the final word that he would be deploying three weeks after our wedding, well I was scared. From then on I tried to distract myself from the reality that he would be leaving. Truly I did. It’s like this summer we were living in a dream world, getting to spend so much time together. The funny thing is I never knew I needed someone in my life so much until he came along.
After we returned from our honeymoon, we had a week together at home before we had to go our separate ways. That week was the hardest but most amazing week I think we’ve ever had in our every day lives. We got so much closer and even though I cried every day I think it was healthy to. I wanted to be strong for him. I wanted him to know that I could do it and that I would be okay. Also, I realized this was not all about me. It was about him going and making a difference in a world that has too much evil. What he does is an incredibly courageous thing and I wanted to be brave too.
Oh but I struggled. The seven days before he left and for two weeks after he took off, I was a total wreck. I mean I couldn’t even function. Here we had just gotten married and I already had to say goodbye? Not to mention I had to get myself back to New York, find a new apartment and move all of my stuff that week. That whole scenario definitely made it worse. For two weeks I cried and cried and cried. Dare I say it felt kind of good to get it all out? I even thought about moving home. Gosh I just didn’t think I could do it!
Then I decided to try and pull myself together. I got everything done that needed to be situated; I visited family and kept myself busy. One night I even wrote an essay about how proud I am of his sacrifice and bravery.
I am very proud of him.
That’s what I needed to remind myself of: in my eyes he is the most selfless, fearless and determined human I know. There is no one on this planet more committed to our country than he is. I swear to you. He wants to make a difference and he will do anything in his power to.
How can I not be supportive of that?
photo by Braxton Wilhelmsen
Just because I’m missing him and it all really scares the crap out of me, doesn’t mean I can’t be understanding, supportive and courageous too.
That’s just it! I realize now as a newly inducted military wife, my role can be just as important as his is. I mean really. I sure do have a duty as well. I’m here to hold the fort down – or at least attempt to – until he returns.
Remembering back to one of our last nights together, I recall Kyle saying something so special to me. It was so simple but he said something like: “I respect you so much for doing this. What you’re doing is so much harder than what I have to do. This is what I’ve trained my whole life for. But you, you’re new to this. No one should have to part with their spouse,” and especially so soon after a wedding.
I will always remember that. When I thought I was weak, he saw me as strong. He didn’t expect me to be anyone else but me and he never does. I didn’t need to be brave. I just needed to be me.
Anyway, I just thought I would share some of these thoughts and feelings. I may be new to the Air Force family, but I know I’m not alone. This kind of lifestyle has been going on for years now and families have flourished. It may always be hard, but the more I understand and the more we communicate, the better our relationship becomes. So I encourage you to reach out and to express your feelings too. Hey it’s not easy! Those of you who are involved with the military, let’s talk. Let us become a closer tight knit group, in support of our loved ones and in support of our country and the improvement this crazy world.
If you want to read more about Kyle and his love for his job please click here.
Until next time,